Living with Ovarian Cancer

Not a good prognosis

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:27:01 +0100

Well, I've been meaning to write this down and get it off my chest since they released me from hospital to the tender care of my Mum on 6th March, so I suppose I'd best get it done.

Not only do I have a stonking great saddle-shaped blood clot right slap bang in the branch of my pulmonary artery, which has meant I've had to stop chemo, the chemo I was on is apparently not working. The only one the hospital is now talking like I can have is Cisplatin plus a daily tablet, which works on one in ten people. Not particularly good odds, 10%.

And after Dr Perren told me that on his ward round, I then had the Macmillan Nurse suggesting that I might want to consider not having any treatment at all and going for purely symptomatic care. This means treat the symptoms not the cancer. Apparently the Cisplatin thing can really make people ill, and some people decide quality of life is more important than length.

However, I am not one of these! Quality of life is important, yes, but for Christ's sake I'm not even 36 til Sunday!! Symptomatic Care? Oh, aye, yeah, lets try that and just wait to die, huh?!? I don't bloody think so!!

I've got a clinic appointment on the 7th April to see if a) the blood clot has reduced/gone and b) discuss possible treatments, and I'm going to insist on trying Taxotere. They tried me on this at the beginning of 2004 when I reacted big time to Paclitaxel, and I only had a teeny weeny mild reaction but at that point, being the start of my treatment, they were kind of like "Oh well never mind, lets not bother with that there's plenty of other treatments out there." So now's the time to try it again, methinks. Shit, not like I've got anything left to lose, is it? I'm surely not willing to die just yet, I would like to reach at least 37 thank you very much!

Not a very nice thing to be told by your doctor, though. "Oh dear, we're running out of options and you are running out of lifespan." Hmm, cheerful. Thanks.

I don't want to die, there're too many things I want to do first!!

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Two down, four to go!

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 13:26:19 +0100

Hallelujah, a third of the way through this lot of chemotherapy!! Only another four months' worth of poison to go

On the upside, the Hickman Line is now fully installed into my chest, which certainly made chemo on Tuesday a damn sight easier than usual! I went in on Monday to get the Hickman line put in. A bit nervous, like, as I've not had an op or anything since my hysterectomy in 2004. They plonked us on the gourney in the prep room and stuck a canula into my left elbow to put the sedative in. "Oh, you'll just get a bit sleepy or you might go to sleep. Nothing to worry about."

"Everything's getting a bit woozy." says I, seeing the edges of my vision start to wobble like you're underwater. Then poof, out like a light, the next thing I see is the surgeon bending over me and I can feel him putting stitches in my right pectoral muscle to hold the catheter in place. I must have just gone limp

Quite nice, really, as I hadn't slept very well the night before, so I caught up on all my kip quite nicely.

So, that's in. I got my chemo on Tuesday - yech - followed by a bag of iron and two units of blood, on account of being quite seriously anaemic. Spent ALL DAY stuck in hospital having the blood etc, but I do feel a LOT less breathless than I did on Monday. I'm still tired, and I still get out of breath going up one flight of stairs, but that's normal for two days post-chemo. I am NOT breathless after walking down the kitchen to the back door! And even better, I've got a week off now as Tuesday's dose was the third part of the second dose, so it's now my week off! Yay!!!!

And even more of a miracle, I've actually got an appointment to register with AN NHS DENTIST tomorrow at 10.45!! Good grief, will wonders never cease?!? And if I take my letter in from Jobcentre confirming I get Income Support, I even get FREE dental treatment! So I think if there is anything at all wrong with my teeth - which there will be what with naturally crumbly teeth (thanks Dad for your duff genes!) and chemo - I will be getting everything done before I go back to work in July!

Also, if this chemo works and everything goes according to plan, I want to do a charity cycle ride across India in November. Got a leaflet about it with the Ovarian Cancer Action newsletter and it looks pretty good. You don't have to be hyper hyper fit, just up to a certain level and able to cycle 6/7 hours per day, at any speed. Can't do it yet but if I finish chemo at the beginning of June, don't see why I can't get up to that level of fitness by mid-November. It's raising the £3,000 sponsorship that's worrying me - not sure whether I'd be able to do that but we'll have to see. Can't sign up for it yet anyway as not sure whether this chemo's working yet - won't find out til beginning of April when I've had a CT scan. If it ain't and we have to have Cisplatin, well that won't finish til September so cycle rides'll be out. But this one ought to work - I've not had it before so no resistance to it yet so fingers crossed!

Anyway, there you go. I now have a catheter dangling from the upper slope of my right tit, which is a bit of an awkward place for it but who am I to argue? At least I don't have to sit around with my hands in a bucket of hot water for half an hour then endure another half hour of people turning my hands into pincushions looking for veins!

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Pick Lines

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 14:19:06 +0100

Another update on the trials and tribulations of chemotherapy

Saw Dr Perren on 1st February for the usual between-chemo checkup. Asked him about getting some form of central line put in, as it is now getting near-on impossible to find a vein in my hands that can be canulated. Especially as I am now having chemo three weeks out of four - it was hard enough finding veins once a month but now it's getting ridiculous. Miracle of miracles, Dr Perren agreed that it would be a good idea to get a Pick Line put in and walked me down to talk to the nurse in charge of these things! That is a first - every other consultant I've asked about a central line tends to try and talk you out of it, but Dr Perren was just really calm about it and didn't try and talk me out of it at all!

So, on Tuesday, when I was due for the first dose of the second cycle of Topotecan, Di the nurse tried to get a pick line into my elbow. This is a long canula that goes into a vein at your elbow then up, across your collarbone and into some artery near your heart. Or at least that's the theory, anyway! Needless to say, it didn't work with me - big surprise there then! The first pick line decided it was going up into my jugular instead, so that had to be taken out. Cue copious amounts of blood both inserting and extracting it - I bleed like a stuck pig at the best of times (fair skin you know) and because I'm a bit anaemic of course I bled even more. Niiiiiice. Just as well I'm not squeamish! Then the second line did a u-turn in my arm and didn't even make it up to my shoulder! So, no pick line. Probably a good thing, as you can't raise the arm with the pick line (my right) over your head which would be awkward seeing as I am right handed!

So what we're going to do now is try and get a Hickman Line in on the 18th - it means one more dose of chemo with struggling to find a decent vein in my hands, then on the 18th a dose of sedation and a two hour wait before an x-ray to make sure it's in the right place. Also means no iron next week either unless we get a good vein - fat chance! So hello anaemia, goodbye energy. As if the breathlessness from the fluid build-up in my abdomen wasn't bad enough

I could always go in overnight and get them to drain my abdomen off, but I'd rather wait and see how bad it gets first. Only gained 1/4 of an inch around my waist this week, as opposed to 3/4 of an inch last week, so that's a definite slow down in fluid build up. Fingers crossed after next Tuesday it ought to stop, if not start reducing!

At least with a Hickman Line it's not really going to affect my movement - it goes into an artery in your chest just below your collarbone/above the boob so apart from not being able to immerse it in water (no swimming and no baths) it shouldn't be too bad. Better than a pick line, where you can't raise your arm over your head, go swimming or play golf (hah!). Bearing in mind most of the shelves in my house are higher than my head, not to mention my airer in the kitchen.....

Anyway, just have to wait and see now. Need to get an INR done with all the other bloods on Monday, but Di's sent my blood cards out to me already filled in so that's good.

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A Miracle Has Happened!

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 19:25:22 +0100

OMG, right, just found out that, get this, WALES ACTUALLY BEAT ENGLAND IN THE SIX NATIONS!!!!!!!

Sorry, had to get that off my chest! I didn't even watch the match yesterday, as we (talking as an ex-pat Taff) NEVER beat England at, well, anything except male voice choirs And now my mum's just phoned me, and she said we wiped the floor with 'em! Yay Wales!! Go Cymraeg!!

Gwlaaaad, gwlaaaad, pleidol wyf i'm gwlaaaaaaaaaad

OK, apparently we were getting pasted in the first half, but we came from behind and we seriously prodded their derriers! Woohoo!! Course, we still ain't gonna win the Six Nations (or at least it's highly unlikely!) but what the hell - we beat England! Don't care if we lose every other match - WE BEAT ENGLAND!!!

Blimey, I'm in shock....

Other news: I've got the first dose of the second cycle of chemotherapy, if that makes sense to everyone, on Tuesday at 1 pm. Went to see Oncologist on Friday with Sylv for the between chemo's checkup. He said he was gonna up the dose from 2.5 mg to 3 mg to see if it works a bit better, although how he can say it doesn't seem to be doing much when I've only had one dose and he didn't have that day's bloods back I don't know. Just cos I'm reacquiring the pregnant silhouette thing from fluid build up don't mean it ain't working, it took a couple of doses in 2004 before the fluid started draining away. But hey, he's allegedly the expert. However, I'm also getting a Pick line put in on Tuesday which means no more pissing about with canulas and sharp needles trying to find veins in the back of my hands! Yay!

He actually agreed that as I'm having chemo three weeks out of every four, a central line would be a good idea as my veins in my hands bugger off at the first HINT of a needle, so he took me to see the nurse who fits Pick lines and she said she'd have no problem getting one in, so to come in an hour early on Friday (more like three seeing as I'm getting collected by hospital transport!) and she'd put one in before chemo. Plus they're gonna give me some iron as an injection as I'm a bit anemic (no surprise there!) and that'll be easier through the Pick line as well.

Miracle in its own right - every other consultant has always tried to talk me out of central lines etc, but Dr Perren was like "Well, OK, from what you say it would probably be a good idea so let's go speak to the nurse about one"!

So, there you go. I won't be able to go swimming, play golf or raise my arm over my head, and it has to be flushed twice a week (once on chemo day and once by the District Nurse at home) but otherwise we should be sorted. It'll certainly make chemo a lot easier and a lot faster if they don't have to hunt for a vein and then end up sticking the canula in the underneath of my wrist. Now THAT hurts!

Wales beat England, Wales beat England! Yay!! I'd hang my flag out the window if I thought it wouldn't blow away in these howling gales

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It's All My Fault!

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 14:44:33 +0100

Right, be warned, this is a rant

According to my darling mother, it is all my fault I've got Ovarian Cancer, on account of the fact I had a high-fat diet for a few years in my early 20s! Christ, she might as well say it's my fault I've got cancer cos I didn't get pregnant at 16 like half the girls I went to schoo with - that can be a contributing factor as well you know!

I don't know where she gets half this shite from, I really don't. This time it's Jeremy Vine's fault - she was listening to him on the radio yesterday and apparently he was on about the BRACA1 gene which is linked to high rates of ovarian and breast cancer being in the family and saying no one ever checks the father's side of the family, only the mothers. This set MY daft bitch of a mum off worrying that cancer runs in Dad's side cos it's not in hers, but who is the one researching our family tree?!? ME, oddly enough!!! So if there was a history of ovarian and breast cancer in Dad's side, I reckon I'd have found some trace of it by now on account of having got like 5 generations back.

Told her this when she rang me as usual of a night, and then it went onto 'Well you had a high-fat diet with loads of sweets and cakes in it didn't you before you got ill, that's a contributing factor you know'. In that case, my sister should have developed OC about 10 years before me, her diet's well worse than mine when she ain't doing Weightwatchers!!

IT JUST PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH WHEN BLOODY MUM STARTS ACTING LIKE I WANTEDODDING OVARIAN CANCER AND SPEND FOUR YEARS HAVING BLOODY CHEMO!! AAAAAHHHHHHHH.

Seriously, if she starts going on about the same thing tonight she can fuck off if she thinks I'm coming over to Wales for her sodding birthday on Saturday, and I'll bloody tell her so. I refuse to drive 200+ miles just to be told it's basically my own fault I've got Ovarian Cancer, instead of just plain bad bloody luck.

Still, there you go, rant over, out of my system. Parents, huh, who needs 'em!

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Happy 2008

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 17:16:00 +0100

Another year, another cycle of chemotherapy looms on the horizon!

Starting Topotecan on Monday - took long enough to arrange hospital transport but have finally got it sorted so I can get in to Jimmys for the poison. Our Ali's bringing us home, rather than wait up to 3 hours for hospital transport back out to Pontefract! Not really looking forward to it at all, although I know what to expect as this is now my sixth treatment of chemo since being diagnosed in 2004!

The hair's gonna go with this one as well, apparently, so it'll be bye bye hair and hello German POW look again! Hopefully won't get as skinny as when I last lost my hair due to chemo in 2004 - got down to 10 stone which is WAY too thin for my height (5'9") and build. Even my mum, the queen of 'You have to be a size 12 to be beautiful' admits now that size 12 is actually too thin for me - amazing what cancer'll do to change your relationships

Should get some weight off - it's surprising what not eating'll do for the weight - but hopefully not too much. Another stone/stone and a half'll do fine for me.

Apart from that, had a decent Christmas. Dave's ominous hints that he was 'carving' me a Christmas present turned out to be a collaborative pressie from several relatives of a new PC - built by Dave of course! Pretty good - much faster than old PC and much better graphics card. Loads more detail on City of Villains - never knew the quartermasters/arbiters and fateweavers were all shades of grey and white rather than just white! And the Sims does run quite a bit faster now - so thank you Davey!

Even joined Facebook a couple of weeks ago - quite good with being off on the Sick and sitting at home a lot. Good way of keeping in touch with a lot of my friends that I have worked with previously - most of them seem to be on facebook for some reason! Also a dishy distant cousin who's in the army has a facebook page - bit of a hunk he is! Fed up getting chatted up by infants in cheshire and london though - if I go into a chat room everyone who messages me is either under 20 - WAAAAAY too young - or from Turkey or something! Ack! Need to find an uglier photo, that'll get rid of that i think!

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Wierd or what?

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:21:47 +0100

According to the Discovery channel, I just found out tonight, elephants suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. How totally bizarre! Not entirely surprising as I've seen previously that they grieve for family members who've died/been killed and stuff like that, but PTSD?

Not the sort of programme I normally watch, but I was trapped on the settee with an extremely comfortable cat stretched out across my lap so couldn't really go anywhere and there was absolutely NOTHING else on.

You can tell it's getting near Christmas when the TV gets crap of a night!

Just found out today - after two months of waiting, like - that I will be getting Income Support in the absolutely massive amount of £18.53 a week. Wah-hey, lets go out and party - not! So that means in total I will be getting just over £500 a month in benefits, between Disability Living Allowance, Income Support and Incapacity Benefit. Shame my bills are about £700 a month, isn't it?

Got a 'work-related interview' at Pontefract Job Centre tomorrow morning as well. Why the hell I need a 'work-related interview' when I'm claiming Incapacity Benefit due to being unable to work due to chemotherapy and the assorted side effects, I don't quite know, but then I don't know why the benefit system does anything as none of it seems to either work or make sense, so nothing new there! I'm just waiting for the stupid cow I'm due to see to turn around and say "Well you don't LOOK ill, so why can't you go back to work?"

Oooooh, just try it missus and see what reaction you'll get! As if I WANT to be sat around the house all day too skint and feeling (after chemo anyway) too grotty to do anything! I'd MUCH rather be out at work, thanks!

Unfortunately, however, the chemo I've been having - Caelyx - isn't working so we're going to try Topotecan next year - starting early January probably. Topotecan is given once a week for three weeks with a fourth week off, so if I can't work around Caelyx there is no way in hell I am going to be able to work around Topotecan. I've had chemo weekly before in 2005, and it sucked the big one, as Americans say. And Topotecan according to Cancer Research UK's site is even more toxic than Gemcitabine and Carboplatin, so this should be REAL fun. I don't bloody think.

Still, not got much choice, have I? Have the chemo or die, hmm let me think about that for a minute!

Plus there's always the chance, not that Topotecan won't work but that I won't be able to take it. In which case we're back to Cisplatin with a daily tablet of something else I forget the name of, which is even less likely to work than Topotecan as I had Cisplatin earlier this year and it didn't really do a lot. Plus you have to spend a night in hospital every dose, and this possible treatment of Cisplatin is also given on a weekly basis with the fourth week off. So that would be a night in hospital EVERY BLOODY WEEK!! This is why I'm going for the Topotecan! Plus, to be honest, it's a new drug to me, I've not had it before so it should work really good as I'll have no resistance, and if they pump me full of enough steroids and anti-histamines I should be OK for at least most of the treatment. So fingers bloody crossed, huh? Too young to die at only 35..... want to reach at least 40 first please!

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Life sucks

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 12:02:59 +0100

Quite frankly, my life sucks the big one.

On Friday I went to St James' Hospital in Leeds for my usual pre-chemotherapy check up. My mum came with me as we were due to get the results of the CT scan I had two weeks ago. Surprise surprise, the Chemotherapy (Caelyx) isn't working and we now have to try something else! So basically I've been poisoning myself once a month for the last three months for nothing. So I've got an appointment (or I will have when the hospital sends me the appointment card) on the 28th December to tell Dr Jackson which chemotherapy I want to try next. I'm going to say Topotecan, as although I have to have it once a week same as Cisplatin, Topotecan is given as an outpatient so I can curl up and die at home rather than in a manky uncomfortable hospital bed like I would have to with Cisplatin! But still, it sucks. And there's a good chance with Topotecan my hair will fall out again, like it did with my first ever chemo Taxol. There are advantages to that, admittedly - for instance its the only time in your life you get to moisturise your scalp, not to mention if your head hair goes so does most if not all of your body hair which means you don't have to shave your legs for six months - added bonus! On the other hand if I start Topotecan in January, it'll be damn cold with no hair and I've only just got the chemo curl out of this lot of hair! So it'll grow back curly again - aaaaaahhhhhh!!

And on top of that, I phoned my Sickness Insurance provider on my mortgage yesterday and was told my claim was declined because I knew about the condition when I took the policy out. Despite the arseholes at Northern Rock telling me twice that I would be covered as I've always managed to work around the chemotherapy before now! Sooooooooo annoyed with that! And worried, because now I'm skint and I was really counting on that £450 to help pay the bills!

I tell ya, if I was an illegal immigrant I'd be living in a cushy posh flat with no worries and tons of benefits by now, whereas because I'm a British taxpayer I'm still waiting after TWO MONTHS to hear whether I get income support or not and there's practically nowt else I can claim for!

Still, there you go, rant over. If this offends anyone tough shit - don't like it don't read it. I don't care, this is just to get stuff off my chest and make me feel better!

Gonna go enter some more competitions and put more junk on Ebay in the hope I sell some of it! Could do with winning the Lottery, but that ain't gonna happen, is it?

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Yay I'm back!

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 22:57:39 +0100

Hooray for me - I finally finished National Novel Writing Month with a total word count of 50,126!!!! Not bad for one month, huh?

It does of course mean that now NaNoWriMo is over, I don't have to write 2000 words a day every day for a month so I can start writing my blog again. All I have set myself target-wise for the next three months is to write 500 words a day on either my old NaNo effort from last year - 50K+ and still going - or this years effort which is Harry Potter fan fic. Have to say that I have posted the first five chapters of this on Fanfiction.net and so far it's had some really good reviews, which is always nice especially as it's my first fanfic effort ever!

Must get round to finishing off last year's NaNo effort and get it on Lulu, see if anyone wants to buy it!

Other news, my wonderful bro-in-law has been round a couple of times this week to help (hah, I helped him!) replace the cream carpet in my living room (never a good idea with two cats who shed pretty much all year round!) with a lovely laminate wood flooring like the one in my converted loft-bedroom. Finished it a couple of days ago and frankly it's brilliant - bought a nice big rug from Ikea yesterday for a mere £10 which sets it off nicely and still gives the cats something soft to lie on in front of the fire (always important if you actually want to use your lap for anything like putting a book on!). If you ever read this Dave, it's lovely and thanks a million. When you get round to doing the same to your living room, you know where I am!

And my lovely friend from Leicester who is now living in Bournemouth and totally skint has finally admitted defeat and is in theory going to be moving up here in January! Wicked or what? Ain't seen her for ages and ages, on account of me being in Yorkshire and her being waaaaaaaaay down south, so it'll be wicked to have her living with me for a bit til she finds her own place! Come on Sylv, get your butt up here!!

Anyway, enough said. Off to chill by reading very bad fanfic and thinking "God, mine's well better than that!"

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Cor Blimey is that the Date?

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 23:21:09 +0100

Yes, had my mum on the phone today reminding me that it is now LESS THAN FIVE WEEKS until Christmas!!!!! Blimey, already? It don't seem two weeks ago that we were on holiday in Bonny Scotland, but its actually three months ago! Ack!

Got my friend coming up from Bournemouth for Christmas, as well as my sister, her husband and his brother coming over for Christmas lunch. Its my turn this year, apparently. Not that I mind - warms the house up quite nicely when the oven's on for about four hours, what with the turkey and the roasties and everything else. Don't know how much I'll feel like eating, bearing in mind it'll be 15 days precisely since my fourth dose of chemotherapy, but I'm sure I'll manage to choke down some roasties and of course the Christmas pud, if nothing else! And probably copious amounts of red wine, which if I get a decent one does get rid of the metallic taste that chemo leaves quite nicely!

Speaking of wine, bought a Californian Merlot from Tesco last week which is quite nice. Was surprised as it was rather cheap - Echo Falls or something beginning with E, anyway. The bottle's downstairs and I'm too comfy in my computer chair upstairs, wrapped in a throw and with two candles going for light and heat, to be bothered to get up, troll downstairs and go find out the actual name. Terrible being this idle, isn't it?!?

But hey, my stairs are steep (old - like 1845 - terraced house), downstairs is getting cold cos I've turned the fires off on account of being up here, and Computer Room (the old front bedroom before I got my loft converted) is warm! Even with the door wedged open for the cats.

Speaking of cats, I managed to confuse my youngest cat Jake last weekend - not that it takes much as he's not the brightest penny in the bag! He kindly brought in a live mouse and sat down in the middle of the living room floor with it in his gob. So before he dropped it and it buggered off under the furniture or more likely down the hole in the plaster under the floor, I took it out of his mouth - not a mark on it mind - and took it down the garden. In the dark, cold and rain - the things I do to rescue local wildlife! When I got back in, Jake spent the next half hour looking round the same patch of floor where I'd taken the mouse from him as if it was still there! He kept looking under the settee. Now, bearing in mind my settee comes with in a centimetre of the floor, if a mouse had got under there it would be the rodent equivalent of Eugene Tooms from that Squeeze episode of the X-files! Stupid animal. Jake, I mean, not the mouse. Although the mouse was stupid enough to get caught by something with a bell round its neck, so it can't have been that bright!

Anyway, gotta go. Still need to write 1300 words today for National Novel Writing Month, which runs out on 30th November and I'm only on about 31K where I need 50K!! Eeek!!

Later.

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My Boy Jack

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 00:22:57 +0100

OMG, I'm traumatised for the rest of my life!! Harry Potter's just been shot in the trenches! Just finished watching My Boy Jack on ITV1 - a two hour special about Rudyard Kipling pulling strings to get his only son into the Army at the outbreak of World War 1. Bloody brilliant, like, but the only problem is Daniel Radcliffe, who for those who have been living in a cave for the last five years plays Harry Potter in the movies, played Rudyard's son John (Jack) Kipling. Poor Jack was myopic as all hell, like his dad, and it was only through his dad's royal connections that he got into the army in the first place. Then the day after his 18th birthday the poor bugger got sent over the top at Loos with his platoon in the Irish Guards, and after making it almost all the way to a German machine gun nest got shot, lost his specs for 10 minutes which, speaking as a four-eyed git myself, must have been scary as all hell, then got killed.

Talk about trauma - don't think I'll ever get over watching Harry Potter, the saviour of the wizarding world, get shot in the trenches. As bad as when Sirius fell through the veil in the last film - came out with tears on my cheeks.

Makes you think, though, when they were giving out casualty figures in the first day over 1,000 men died, 300-odd officers and over 700 enlisted men. In the FIRST DAY! Talk about cannon fodder....

I'm never going to be able to listen to Kipling's poem My Boy Jack without seeing Harry Potter get shot. I was leaking at the eyes something chronic by the end, although my mum didn't seem that bothered as she was reading the paper. Although she's not quite as into HP as I am - not that I fancy Harry or anything cos I don't he's too young and in Daniel Radcliffe's case as well too damn short. If I want to go out with a short-arse I'll go clubbing - they're always the ones that try it on as they are eye-level with my boobs - that's my theory anyway! Out of HP characters I'd rather have Sirius, or at a pinch Remus. Bit more my age group! And taller. And boy does Gary Oldman look nice with long wavy hair - yumm. Although top of the list has got to be the 10th Doctor, David Tennant. Tall, manic, sexy scottish accent - what more could a girl want?

Anyway, got the trauma off my chest, off to write another 1000 words on Nanowrimo before bed. Doubt I'll be doing any tomorrow what with Chemo dose 3 tomorrow afternoon - bleh.

Bye bye.

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CT Scan

Sat, 27 Oct 2007 17:34:55 +0200

Oh whoopee, got my CT scan appointment in today's post. However, miracle of miracles, they HAVEN'T arranged it for the same day as chemotherapy! This has got to be a first - every time I have to have a CT scan mid-chemo it is always arranged for half an hour before chemo is due to start! This one's booked for 11.30 on 26th November, two weeks post chemo which is on our Ali's birthday, the 12th.

Anyway, this is the last post for a couple of days as off to Blackpool tomorrow with our Ali for a girly two nights! Should be a laugh - going to go see the Illuminations (including the Dr Who section), the Dr Who exhibition at the Blackpool Museum and probably (weather permitting) the Pleasure Beach. Dead excited and can't wait. Pathetic, innit, getting so excited over a trip to Blackpool, f'god's sake! It'll probably rain from Sunday afternoon til Tuesday morning, when we're coming home. But I don't care!! Hey, we're from Wales, we can cope with a bit of rain! Not like these poncy Englishmen who act like they're gonna dissolve!

A whole day of David Tennant - or at least half a day altogether. Yum yum! Exhibition looks damn fine, might be almost as good as the LOTR exhibition down in London in 2003 which was fantastic. And a lot nearer to where I live, as well. Should take us a couple of hours to drive to Blackpool - takes a damn sight longer than that to reach London from way ooop north!

Other than that, absolutely nowt has happened today. Weather's manky and miserable, there's nowt on't telly, and I think I'm going back to City of Villains. Mostly packed for tomorrow, just need to sort out what books I want to read over next couple of days. I mean, over 1,100 books and I don't feel like reading any of them. Something not right there - maybe I need to raid a bookshop!! If only I had the dosh

Anyway, see ya blog - off to kill some monsters and visualise my tumours getting blasted into little pieces in the process.

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Immune System

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 19:45:02 +0200

I admit it, I've just been watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. What can I say, I find the program itself terrible mawkish and over-emotional (like most US makeover programmes, to be honest - no offense to any Americans out there!) but I like to see what they do to the houses!

But, this episode, was about the rebuilding of the home of a Breast Cancer Survivor. Now, bearing in mind she's a lovely lady and has luckily for her been cancer free for a whole 12 months, why are they still talking on the program like her immune system is still knackered?!?

I'm sorry, but your immune system is not bollocksed for ever once you have had chemo! After a couple of months off chemo your immune system comes back up - it's not permanent! It really really gets my goat when idiot programs like Extreme Makeover act like once you've had cancer you can't go anywhere or do anything or live anywhere slightly dusty or grubby because you'll catch something awful and it'll kill you cos your immune systems buggered! IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT!!!!

I mean, for God's sake, look at my Mum's friend John. He had prostate cancer 10 years ago which had spread before they found it, so the aggressive chemo has basically left him unable to live off proper food and he has to have special food packs piped straight into his stomach. If anyone is a candidate for a non-functioning immune system its him. And yet his immune system is perfectly fine. I have maybe 6 months between each chemo (if I'm lucky) and for those six months my immune system works pretty much fine. I'm a magnet for sore throats and colds, but I always have been, and I have yet to have any of them turn into pneumonia!

Why oh why can't these TV programs get their facts right? In the case of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, its probably their way of justifying the renovation, but it just really pisses me off that these programs are going out on national (hell, international with it being a yankee program and all) TV and giving out completely incorrect information. I mean, fair do's to the lass in this episode, Shawna something. She's obviously got genetically linked BC as her mum had it previously and she's beaten the crap out of it at 27 and got the 12 month all clear, but I just WISH these programs'd get their info right. Although I seriously understood when she was trying to describe the effects of chemo, it's one of the best descriptions ever - "the flu x 3,000". Got that right kid!

Anyway, rant over, got it off my chest now so happy again. Off to kick some serious halloween butt on City of Villains - got a lvl 26 character to try and get to lvl 27 before I go to Blackpool on Sunday!

So excited I could crush a grape!

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Living with OC

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 18:11:53 +0200

OC stands for Ovarian Cancer (not that awful TV show that pops up on MTV every so often!).
First post in my new online diary. Hell, maybe I'll publish it if I'm still alive at 40!
I'm 35 now and was originally diagnosed with stage 3c Ovarian Cancer in January 2004, when I was 31 coming up on 32.
Had 7 cycles of chemotherapy (carboplatin) and a total radical hysterectomy (and I've got the scar to prove it - I'll post a photo sometime to scare people with!). That got shut of the stuff for 12 months, then it came back so we tried carboplatin combined with Gemcitabine. That didn't last long due to allergic reaction to Carboplatin, so it was onto Caelyx last year. That lasted six months after finishing so we tried cisplatin. Inpatient overnight stays every three weeks - SUCH a fun way to spend summer! And on top of all that, all it did was stop the damned cancer for a mere two months, so as of 17th September this year I am back on the Caelyx again *sigh*.
The hope is that Caelyx will shrink it enough to give Tamoxifen the three months it needs to kick in and stabilise the damned tumours - at the start of chemo this time I have four. Hopefully the smallest has expired (can't feel it anymore up by my spleen so fingers crossed) and the other three are shrivelling up in a hideous and hopefully painful (for the tumour!) manner. As my oncologist said, we aren't curing it now we're controlling it, but frankly that'll do for me - its been 4 years now since the symptoms first showed up and so far so good, its still here but its still limited to my abdominal cavity and hasn't metastatised (probably spelt that wrong) anywhere else which is just as well as otherwise I probably wouldn't have made it to 35!

Just want to write a diary - been meaning to do this since 2004 and I'm more likely to stick to writing it if it's online rather than just buried in the depths of my PC. Hell, still ain't finished my half-completed novel from last years NaNoWriMo and this year's starts in November

So, this might be funny, there will probably be quite a bit of ranting on it depending how many times lately my mother's phoned to make sure I ain't keeled over dead overnight, or I might just end up waffling on about what I'm reading/knitting/crochetting/watched on TV lately or what stupid idiot thing my cats have done lately. Probably mostly the latter - obviously can't have kids (not that I ever wanted them - uck!) as now missing several fairly vital bits so my cats are the nearest I'll ever get to babies!

Unless my sister finally gets round to providing me with nieces/nephews - if she does I'm going to get a half-open zip tattoeed down my scar and pretend to unzip my stomach to scare them! Should be a laugh

What are aunties for but warping the next generation, huh? Apart from feeding the kids full of sugar & E numbers til they are bouncing off the walls, that is. As my brother in law does to his nieces now - look out Dave revenge will come!

Anyway need to keep my typing speed up whilst off on the sick both for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and for when I get the damn chemo over with and can go back to work next year. Have to live up to my reputation as fastest typist in the West, after all!

Anyroad, reckon that's a long enough first entry complete with adding scary photo to profile - eek, run for the hills! IT'S ALIVE!!

Must try and remember to post every day - set a reminder mebbe, hmmm...

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